Living in Provo

If you had asked me if I would be living in Provo after graduation, I would have answered with a resounding "NO!!! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!! I WANT TO LIVE!!!!!" And yet, here I am, living in Provo and actually enjoying it.

How did this happen? I will tell you.

1. I have awesome roommates. This, I have found, makes all the difference. You will hate wherever you are living if you aren't surrounded by the right people. This little apartment has become home for us.


2. I have a job. You know, finding a job is hard, and finding a job that excites you is even harder. So even though Provo isn't my ideal, I will stay here because I love my job. I was really worried, coming out of graduation with a degree in English, that I would have a lot of trouble finding some way to make money. The plan was to get my teaching credential and masters degree and then, hopefully, get a job teaching at my old high school where my mom is currently working. There were a lot of problems with that plan. For example, how was I going to afford more school and where was I going to do it? Moving back to Woodland Hills, though it will always be home, would mean that I wouldn't be around people my own age at all. I've always been more comfortable around people who are older than I, but I should probably be social.
   
   More about this job: I work at Qualtrics in Professional Development. That means that my team is in charge of all the employee training. We work mostly with sales and new hires, right now, but the goal is to permeate the whole company. This team has really only been around for 5 months, so not much has happened, but we have big plans.


3. Boyfriend. Now, I'm not saying that I need a man to complete myself (though, in a way that's true - keep your eyes open for more posts on this matter), I am perfectly content on my own and I haven't been in a relationship since the first semester of Sophomore year of college. I'm rather picky about who I go on second dates with. I'll go on a first date with just about anyone, but I will politely decline a second. This guy shared European chocolate with me, so it was fate, really.
   
   How could I not fall for him? It sure makes life more fun to have someone to do things with. I love my roommates and all, and we do go out on roommate dates, but it is so not the same.
   
   My advice to anyone out there searching for or in the beginning stages of a relationship: be honest and communicate. We went on dates for about 4 months before we started Dating, and in that time we became really good friends. We had the opportunity to see each other in a lot of different situations from playful to serious. He saw me without my make-up on, it just so happened that we met each others' family, and we talked. I learned that being honest and on the same page and really getting to know the person you are smitten with before you start smooching them makes all the difference. It was an easy transition from "friends who go on dates" to "in a relationship."


4. I'm surrounded by good things. I love CA, it will always be home to me, but there is something to be said about being in a place where my testimony of Jesus Christ could be nourished and, in a way, given a break. I was constantly being challenged in CA and it strengthened me so much. I really became converted to the Gospel during High School when I was forced to ask questions of myself and to defend what I believed. But it's been nice to have a bit of a break and to learn how other people live the Gospel. I don't want to get stagnant, by any means, but being challenged at every turn can really take a toll on you. When I do finally leave the Provo bubble, I will be ready to bring good things to the rest of the world.
   
   The thing that keeps coming to my mind on this point is movies. I've gotten so used to tuning out parts of movies that aren't necessarily good (you know, sex, language, drugs...) and here I've met people who actually take the time to fast forward and who are much more careful about what they watch. I've ben blessed by their example.

So even though living in Provo isn't what I expected out of life, I'm happy to be here. I've fallen in love with these mountains and all their hidden treasures. I've been changed by the people I've met. I'm happy.

Mommy/Friend/Roommate

Sometimes, I get to play mommy to my roommate and, though I complain, I love it. I don't like loosing sleep as I sit up and rub her back to calm her down, but I love helping my friend. I hate watching her throw up and be in pain, but it feels good to nurture her. I love the drama, too. Her mom made her clean up her own barf when she became old enough. Thanks mom and dad for not making me do that. I emptied her barf bowl last night. She is currently freaking out, texting me "please don't clean the bathroom. I promise I'll do it when I have more strength." She passed out more than once last night. The moral of the story: if you know that your stomach can't handle red meat, don't eat it.

No Such Thing as Perfect

I had a pretty cool class last week and I took the time during my next class to write down, again, everything I had learned to sear it into my mind. So I know these notes are all over the place, but I'm too lazy to write it again for the eyes of others. Enjoy! I just had the most amazing Shakespeare class. One of the things that Prof. Seigfried lectures on is just about scholarship and learning and becoming better people. She talked about brain development and how challenges literally make us grow. Our brains will jump to the occasion if we give them the chance. Think about little kids and how they learn to do such amazing things. When we turn 22 is when our frontal lobe becomes solidified. This is the part of the brain that allows us to recognize that sometimes the little bit of pain right now will lead to better things. We talked about how we can transform pain into good things and how our painful experiences are things that might help us in the future. She posed the question, “Why does the Church spend so much money on producing scholars?” We get a first class education at the price of a community college. It really is amazing. As we learn how to learn, we learn how to study the Gospel. We become more well rounded people and learn how to communicate with other people and relate to them. We learn how to converse with everything and everyone. It really is amazing. They are investing in the future of the Church knowing that we will go out and share what we have learned. We talked about innocence vs. virtue vs. perfectionism. Virtue is the goal. Virtue comes from the Latin “virtus” meaning force of life/power. The word went through many interpretations throughout the year including being touched on by the Catholics. The idea of spiritual power came then rather than physical virility. Think about the monks taking a vow of chastity – they didn’t have physical power, but rather spiritual power. All these things lead to the list of virtues we have now. Innocence, compared to virtue, is static. There is no inherent power in innocence, but there is potential. Innocence is a period of time where the tools of power may be gathered, but there isn’t the power to use them quite yet. Perfectionism implies that there is an ideal and that we are not reaching it. It implies that there is a point that we can reach where we can stop working because we will know it all. Throughout this discussion, I’ve realized the importance of continuing education. I don’t want my brain to get smaller when I stop going to school and stretching it. I know now that taking any kind of break after graduation isn’t a good idea, but I should keep going with something. I also realized that teaching is exactly what I need to be doing.

Mission Reunion

Yesterday we had the first mission reunion with President and Sister Cotterell and it was amazing. I was not exactly dreading attending, but I wasn't exactly excited either. I didn't really feel like I earned it since I wasn't able to serve the full 18 months. But then I got there and started seeing people that I had heard about (I really only knew a handful of missionaries, but you hear a lot about previous missionaries or see their names on paperwork). And then President Cotterell came up to me and gave me a big hug and said that he was so glad that I came and I just felt so welcome. After the first little opening gathering, we had a little program. There were some testimonies shared and songs and photos. We did an insta-choir and sang "Dear to the Heart of the Shepherd," which has become one of my favorite hymns. But my favorite part was hearing and learning from the Cotterells. What amazing people with such strong testimonies. He posed the question "what does it mean to you to leave the ninty and nine?" referring to the lost sheep parable. To me, it means to get out of my comfort zone and to figure out what is missing in my life and to find it. Interesting personal revelation. He also reminded and re-extended the invitation given at our exit interviews. He told all 509 missionaries that he interviewed as they left the mission field to "Maintain the daily practice of scripture study with an emphasis on the Book of Mormon and to keep a study journal." Most mission presidents that I've heard of tell their missionaries to get married - this is the difference between most people and the Cotterells. Anyone who does that for 100 days he will buy a lunch for two - just send him the receipt. As a mission, we are all going to do this for the next 100 days and then have a gathering in January. The most important thing that I got out of this reunion was to remember what it felt like to be a part of something amazing and important. I finally feel at peace with the whole coming home early thing.

Musings of the Day

So last night I had a friend over and made dinner and then we made cookies with his roommate. It was super fun. I glanced a FaceBook at one point and noticed that my sister was doing basically the same thing. Watching a form of Sherlock Holmes and baking something wonderful. I think we have spent way too much time together. This and other recent experiences with my sister made me wonder about what has rubbed off on me from my lovely sister. I mean, I'm basically doing exactly the same thing that she did. One day I might have to do something without watching her try first and that will be so weird! I am very grateful for my amazing sister. In other news, we have a friend who lives in our cupboard, her name is Delilah.

My Perfect Date

No, this will not be a post about a perfect date that I've experienced, but rather what I would consider to be a perfect *first* date. That first is very important. Once the awkwardness and obligation of the first date are over, then you can find your relationship groove, but until then, I have some suggestions. Some of these are universal, but they all apply to me specifically. [For this post, "you" generally refers to the males doing the dating] First dates should only be one activity. Either dinner OR the corn maze OR bowling. I will allow that movies or a quick snack/dessert may be tagged on to any of these purely because it doesn't require much effort on either part. It is tiring to be on a first date and the longer it goes on, the harder it is. And the girl should ALWAYS know what is going on. Do not try to surprise her because then she will show up in a skirt and flip-flops when you planned to hike the Y for a picnic. This also goes along with the dread thing. I like to get hyped up over what is going on and if I don't know, I just dread it all together. Girls are generally polite and so the little clues are important. I know it can feel like she is playing a game, but it is just because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. So if you ever hear a semi-enthusiastic "sure" or "if you want to" back up and try again. If she gives any suggestions, listen and do it. When your first plan for dinner goes through and she rattles off a few options, feel free to add to the options, but if she is suggesting a certain type of place, don't change directions entirely. If she says "Well we could do CPK or PF Changes or Cheesecake Factory" don't go and say "Hey, let's go to Golden Coral" and then, when she says "sure, if you want to" drive and pig out. No! First of all, she said "sure" and "if you want to" in one sentence! Major red flag. Second of all, Golden Coral is nothing like any of her suggestions and she obviously isn't in the mood for that kind of thing or she would have said "well, there is Chuck a Rama, and Golden Coral, or Hometown Buffet..." Impress me. Take me to SLC for dinner or to a show, I don't mind a bit of a ride if it means there is something amazing at the end. But don't impress me with your skills that I don't want to partake in. For example, if you are a superb bike rider, don't try to take me through the canyon. In fact, avoid sweaty activities all together for that first date. I may have said yes to the first date, but unless you impress me, there won't be a second.

The Call

Two days ago I opened the most important piece of mail I think I'll ever receive. Indulge me while I tell the story.

I was starting to get depressed. As I walked in from my car, the mail key (which I had abducted from it's home on the key rack by the door) warming in my hand, I was getting scared of opening that little, inoffensive door. For what felt like forever I had been checking the mail, just waiting for the big, white envelope from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The rejection the empty mailbox presented was getting old and I didn't think I could handle it again. I almost just passed it by, but at the last minute I turned to check. I turned the key and a bunch of weekly ads began to spill out. Hidden among the colorful discounts was my call!

I grabbed everything and attempted to run up the stairs and down the hallway to my apartment, but things kept falling out of pockets and hands and it was much slower than walking would have been. Then I had to deal with the lock. I got inside, dropped everything and said, very loudly, 'IT'S HERE!'

I put it on the couch and called home. Quite honestly the last thing I wanted to do was to figure out how to get everyone who wanted to watch it happen on skype, but we did. Then I had to text/call people and tell them to come over. I wanted lots of people around me.

If I were to do it again, I would only have my parents and sister on skype. Then it wouldn't have been such a big deal that my computer decided it was a good time to break and have to use my friend's ipad. It was more stressful than helpful and I didn't get to talk to any of them anyway. I would have much rather individually called each person who was on skype and told them, but it all worked out.

Once people started arriving, I went to pick up the envelope - even though there was still time to wait. At one point, I threw it across the room because it was tempting me too much.

Then the moment finally came. I can't describe that feeling - this was mail from God in a way. I spewed out the first sentance "Sister Laura Lindsey Benning, You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." (the title of the Church has never felt so long in my life). I just wanted to get to the where and when. Let me tell you, it was a surprise. I was sure I was going to Europe, but no, North Carolina, February 15th.

Every time I think about it, I get a little smile on my face. I never would have guessed it, but it feels so right.

My work partner and I had decided that when the call came, we were going to have a guessing game over our radios with the rest of the BYU vending staff. So about an hour into our route, I called out "Welcome to Friday's question of the day, hosted by route 93. Laura's mission call arrived on Wednesday and I'm curious where you all think I am going." It took a few seconds, but everyone started responding with out of country answers. 'London, England,' 'Germany,' 'Fiji,' I responded that they were all incorrect, they kept going and I finally said, "wow, you guys are off, think state-side" they were still way off, and then it turned into a geography quiz. Warmer, more east, more south, more north. My boss finally guessed North Carolina. And then I was informed that I got to pick out some ice cream for the whole staff. I picked the cookies and cream bar :)